Regulatory Capture
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Regulatory Capture

"The Regulatory Capture division is where we turn supposed watchdogs into our attack dogs. We've perfected the art of placing our former executives in regulatory positions, then having those regulators 'forget' to enforce rules against their former employers. It's not corruption when it's technically legal."

Proud Accomplishments

  • ▸Placed 247 former industry executives in regulatory positions they were meant to oversee
  • ▸Wrote our own safety regulations, then had regulators approve them verbatim
  • ▸Founded think tanks that produced 'independent research' supporting our positions
  • ▸Created revolving door employment between regulators and our executive suite

Performance Metrics

Regulators Placed247
Laws Weakened1,847
Fines Avoided$89B
Inspections PassedAll (We Wrote Them)

This division is a registered subsidiary of Hell Holdings, LLC. All profits flow upward. All suffering flows downward. This is just how the free market was optimized.