Cornelius B. Schadenfreude

Cornelius B. Schadenfreude

Chief Morale Officer

"High morale is just employees being too afraid to complain."

Annual Compensation$29M
Estimated Human CostMental health crisis

Corporate Feats

  • ▸Increased 'employee engagement' through mandatory fun activities
  • ▸Created 'wellness' programs that replaced actual mental health support
  • ▸Pioneered 'transparency' as a distraction from actual information
  • ▸Introduced 'open floor plans' specifically to increase surveillance

Documented Injustices

  • ✗Conducted illegal surveillance on employees
  • ✗Retaliated against workers who discussed wages
  • ✗Created hostile environments designed to force resignations

Notice: This executive's actions are fully protected under the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002, Section 404, and the Supreme Court decision Citizens United v. FEC (2010). No personal liability has ever been assessed or will ever be tolerated.