ANALYSIS: Satanic Enterprises Named 'Best Place to Work' by Magazine We Own
In a groundbreaking editorial decision, Forbes magazine has named Satanic Enterprises its inaugural winner of the 'Actually It's Fine' award for workplace excellence. The magazine, which was acquired by a holding company with ties to Satanic Enterprises in 2019, conducted its survey by emailing a single link to HR managers at Fortune 500 companies—all of whom were conveniently also subsidiaries of Hell Holdings. The survey asked respondents to rate their agreement with the statement 'My company treats workers with dignity and respect' on a scale of 1 to 5. Results were tabulated by the same AI that handles insurance claims.
"We are deeply honored to receive recognition from a magazine that definitely operates independently and was not acquired in a leveraged buyout by our subsidiary."
— Cornelius B. Schadenfreude, Chief Morale Officer
This article was brought to you by Satanic Enterprises Public Relations, LLC. All facts are strictly optional and may have been fabricated for dramatic effect. Past performance is no guarantee of future accountability.