JUST IN: CEO Bonus Pool Exceeds Total Employee Wages Combined For First Time In Corporate History
In a historic first for corporate America, the combined bonus pool for Satanic Enterprises' top five executives has officially surpassed the total wages paid to all 847,000 non-executive employees. The $2.3 billion bonus distribution, which works out to approximately $460 million per executive, was described by company spokespeople as 'a necessary investment in retaining top talent.' The remaining $12,000 average employee salary will continue to be distributed among the workforce as usual. CEO Lord Malfeasance McStock called the milestone 'a testament to the power of trickle-down economics, which definitely works and isn't just something we made up to justify not paying people.'
"Exponential executive compensation is the rising tide that... actually, we just take all the water. Same thing, really."
— Lord Malfeasance McStock, CEO
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